VALENTINE'S DAY - 2008This week has been emotional in many ways. I tend to do a lot of re-living these days.
And this particular week houses my most treasured memories with Shaun.
This was the week that he sat me down on his couch, hugged my knees to his chest, and said those carefully given three little words that he'd never shared with another woman.
Shaun was one of the few people I've ever met who experienced life in the synergistic balance of emotion and reason. Many people cater toward their reason, and others get carried away by their heart - Shaun couldn't and wouldn't dampen the importance of either. You knew that when Shaun shared an important thought, that it was something he had balanced, weighed, explored and sometimes obsessed about in both his heart and mind.
Shaun could relax and be nothing but silly and funny... but you would be in err to think that for a moment he wasn't keenly aware. Shaun was fair. He was honest. He had zero tolerance for anything other than the truth. I felt safe in Shaun.
He didn't share his core truths lightly - and when he did, you knew you were being granted access to hallowed ground. His heart is absolutely precious to me.
Valentine's Day can be a bit of a silly ritual... but it now is something quietly meaningful to me. It's a memory of LOVE. Unfeigned and untouchable. I have struggled with being pulled toward the hopelessness of grief this week, but my cute mom reminded me of a greater perspective. Instead of mourning the loss of his daily love - I get to carry something much more lasting and meaningful in my heart. I can have something to hold in my memory... and I can wait for home.
My little lullaby for Shaun. I cherish all you gave me every day. I know you're there.
I love you too, Shaun... and you already know why.
