Last night was another of many long, sleepless, and tearful nights. It has been 9 weeks, and the ache in my heart has not diminished. If anything, the passing of time makes his absence that much more acute.
When I think of Shaun, I find myself smiling through the tears. He lives in my heart and memory, and he never ceases to make me laugh. I still feel so very very blessed to have had him in my life.
Shaun and I both feel that God is the closest, and our minds and hearts the most silent when we are in the outdoors. That is now when I often feel the closest to Shaun as well, when I'm somewhere far from city lights, sounds and smells. I feel him near me. I feel his encouragement. I feel his love.
I have continued to do some of our favorite outdoor activities - backpacking, camping, cycling, rock climbing, etc. I appreciate time spent with others - it often lifts me. I also really appreciate being alone - because that's when I can often be the least alone.
Shaun told his mom in a quiet moment as he left for Alaska that he was ready to 'go'. I've never known another person so well prepared to leave this life. It was just the rest of us who weren't ready to let him go.
He lived for his Father in Heaven - and he still lives for Him now.
I guess I share these thoughts, because, in the end, I want to share how Shaun's influence and life testify of the God he loves. Shaun's life continues to testify to my heart every single day...
When I have let my grief push me loose from my spiritual moorings, Shaun's voice continually helps me find my anchor again.
These last 9 weeks have been so very long. The idea of "life" seems too long to wait to see Shaun again. Tonight, I put my faith in God, who I'm beginning to learn also cries with me at night. I have work to do. I pray that I can live for my Father. That I will choose Him when the choosing is hard.
Shaun's sister, Shelly, said it beautifully... "Heaven has become so much sweeter for me in the last weeks. Not that it is truly any sweeter, but that my relating to the concept and the promise now has Shaun's face beside God's".
I'm excited to go home...
I miss you, Shaun. :)
I don't understand the plan in all of this - but I believe that Shaun is in heaven, I believe he is at peace and engaged in God's work, and now he's got a little piece of me there. It doesn't make anything feel better, but it is a little comforting to think that Chaui cuddled up in my arms a half-hour before he cuddled up in Shaun's...
In the hangar before Shaun heads out to do some aerobatic flying in an Extra. He had to have a heart to heart with the Super Cub so there weren't any hard feelings.
Impressive flying.
Loved the Air Race. Great day!
Headed back to Southern California, found a gorgeous canyon to fly up. You can't really tell, but the ground was covered with wildflowers. We landed here and explored for a few... the Super Cub is awesome. But the pilot is even better. :)
Shaun found a lake and did a little Super-Cub-skiing :). Another successful adventure and a fun trip!
Shaun landed the Super Cub in some really cool places... I'm sure none of them were illegal.
We landed on the top of a butte and found some rocks that were patiently waiting to be trundled...
We flew out to the desert and decided it was time to shoot some stuff...
Shaun's targets (radishes, we're eco-friendly)...
MY target... (little bigger, but again, eco-friendly).
Rainy weather grounded us so we naturally turned to our favorite amusement - shootin stuff. We determined that fruit was no longer exciting enough and hit the dollar store for some 'targets'. Shaun decided that we needed a big remote controlled truck so we could have a 'moving target'. By the way, the dollar store doesn't actually sell many things that are a dollar.
We set up our lawn decor, ceramic frogs, exploding soda cans, etc...